Your assignment this week is to create a draft of your speech, ensuring that it is complete (includes a beginning, middle, and end) and has been marked by me to identify rhetorical devices, the thesis and call to action, and uses of parallel structure. I will first lay out the steps I would take, then go into detail on each before finally showing what the final version of my homework would look like.

Create a rough draft that may not have all of the necessary elements.
Review for those elements carefully
Produce a final version that I think is effective; this would include some syntactic variety
Highlight the three elements as expected.

STEP ONE

****QUICK NOTE**** The final speeches should be around 3-5 minutes in length!!!

To write this draft, I am making extensive use of both my plan and some research that I find useful. My draft follows, with commentary on the side that explains what I was thinking in each step:

I am going to begin with an anecdote about my experience with apathy as a student. As a result, the beginning of my speech is going to feel less like a speech and more like a narrative. This should help me connect with my audience. This focus on the audience is an appeal to Pathos (because I want them to feel compassion and empathy) and an appeal to Ethos (because I build credibility by connecting my experience to them)

I graduated Woodcreek High School in Roseville, California on August of 2003. It was a beautiful campus. An massive, grassy "quad" is surrounded by classrooms, a theater, the cafeteria, two gyms, a library, and media center (used for producing televised talk-show style morning announcements), all framed in red brick. Beyond is a large natural preserve, a swim complex, and a stadium. This campus hosts more than twenty athletic teams, a variety of other competitive outlets and clubs, and a diverse body of more than 2,000 students.

My high school was a place where I could be and do anything, a place of limitless opportunity, and yet I felt trapped. A bell would ring, I would go into a class, a bell would ring and I would leave. I wasn't unhappy per se (not all the time anyway), but I couldn't find it in me to care about school. In that period between bells I would do what was expected of me, but homework didn't happen. My friends, my computer, my bike were more interesting. When I picked up a pencil to attempt my homework, before I even wrote my name, I thought "why?"

I try to include a specific account of struggling in a class because it is relatable. Still building Pathos and Ethos.

In particular, I had a math class that was taught by a man whose instructional method just did not work for me; i remember thinking that he didn't actually teach, and that he was only effective at telling us when we were wrong. Having been strong in math in every year since I learned to count, I was producing mediocre grades in his class, and I didn't really want mediocre grades. When it didn't seem like I was going to improve, I stopped doing homework almost entirely. It was better to risk failing on my own terms than mediocrity with a full effort.

There is some juxtaposition in "impressive two point something something GPA" that I'm using for humorous effect. Pure Pathos.

I make use of my first bit of Logos here, pulling research that shows this issue is common. I cite my source as well, and because my source is trustworthy this builds Ethos.

I graduated with an impressive two point something something GPA. I rode my lack of caring - my apathy - all the way to a diploma. Not everyone experiences this the same way. The apathy that I felt could affect someone else for a month, a semester, or a year, and it is common. In their 2015 Student Poll, Gallup asked more than 850,000 students about their enthusiasm for school and only 50 percent reported being engaged. The other half of students surveyed - more than 400,000 - are either apathetic about school (described as "not engaged" in the survey) or are actively spreading negativity about school.

And the reasons for apathy are myriad. Asking questions could make us look weak, and it can be embarrassing to show others worth that we aren't proud of. It is easy to give ourselves labels like "I'm just bad at math," or "I'm a D student," or "I've never been a good reader." And in the moment, it can be easy to underestimate the importance of a piece of work: who hasn't said "I don't think this is is a very big assignment, I'll skip it"? or the opposite "my grades are already bad; this one isn't going to help." More than anything, it can hard to see the value of doing an assignment or writing a second (or third) draft, when we could be doing something we enjoy more, like spending time with friends.

It is about this point where I realize that everything I have written reads more like an essay/article than a speech. It lacks the rhetorical flair of a speech, so I start to bring in the rhetorical devices, such as anaphora.

If my goal were to convince you to "get your act together," I could tell you that by the time you graduate high school fully 65% percent of available jobs in the United States will require college experience, and success in high school prepares a student for success in college. I could also tell you that according to researchers from the University of Miami, every .5 improvement in GPA translates to more than $3,000 dollars in average adult annual earnings. I could even point to my own experience, where a limited number of scholarships resulted in tens of thousands of dollars in debt and a degree that took much longer to acquire.

I make a point of bringing in some of the imagery or information from the beginning of my speech. This makes the speech more cohesive and reminds my audience of the Pathos and Ethos I have already established, making my transition to the most "pushy" part of my speech more bearable.

But my goal isn't to convince you to "get over" your apathetic problem. What I want is that for you do two things, and the first is simple: own the fact that you do not care as much as you probably should. I remember sitting on the at the grassy edge of the Woodcreek quad and blaming myself for my apathy. I assumed there was something wrong with me. But there is nothing wrong with having a problem. And fixing a problem is easier when you realize that having a problem isn't the problem.

I can tell you that I found success in college not because college was different; if anything, college is staggeringly similar to high school in many ways. What changed is that when my dollar was on the line, I started caring. But you don't have to wait that long. Every moment you spend feeling sorry for yourself is a moment you will need to make up years later, and you don't need to wait You are good enough right now. You are smart enough right now. You are everything you need, and if you can't see that, do the second thing I want from you.

This is nearly the end of my speech and I lean heavily on repetition so that if my audience walks away with one thing it is the word "ask." If this were to happen, my speech would have been a success, so the anaphora is really important for me here.

Ask. Ask how why you were wrong. Ask how to start. Ask if this should be as hard as it feels. Ask if you are the only one struggling. Ask for extra time to complete the assignment. Ask for more directions. Ask.

I hold you in the highest regard, as do all of your teachers. We are here. Your friends are here. Your parents are here. Just ask.

STEP THREE

So the third step is simply to improve my previous draft, and to do that I need to read it carefully and consider what it is doing well and what it isn't doing well. At a minimum, I need to be sure I am meeting the requirements of the assignment. Does it have a beginning, middle, and end? Yes. It begins with my anecdote, the middle includes evidence and common arguments, and my conclusion is clear. I can see that I have a clear thesis and a call to action, and I have many examples of parallel structure. I did not use all of the rhetorical devices I could have, but I know I got aphorism, alliteration, anaphora, and juxtaposition. I also read the draft out loud to see how long it took to read (About 4:30 on my first reading) to be sure I don't need to make it longer or shorter.

Now, when I read through my draft, I note that there are a number of errors and the beginning and end feel very different. The beginning doesn't feel like a speech, but like a narrative. As I think about this, this feels appropriate, and although I might try to streamline this, I'm going to leave that component as is. You may have noticed that many items the previous draft were in bold. I actually did that as part of this step, identifying errors that I could remove and sentences I could change either because I wanted to be more concise or because I wanted to create more syntactic variety.

My new draft follows:

I graduated from Woodcreek High School in Roseville, California in August of 2003. It was a beautiful campus, and still is today. A massive, grassy "quad" was surrounded by classrooms, a theater, a cafeteria, two gyms, a library, and a media center (used for producing televised talk-show style morning announcements), all framed in red brick. Beyond is a large nature preserve, a swim complex, and a stadium used for track and football. This campus hosts more than twenty athletic teams, a variety of other competitive outlets and clubs, and a diverse body of more than 2,000 students.

My high school was a place where I could be and do anything, a place of limitless opportunity, and yet I felt trapped. A bell would ring, I would go to class, a bell would ring, and I would leave. I wasn't unhappy per se (not all the time anyway), but I couldn't find it in me to care about school. In that period between bells I would do what was expected of me, but homework didn't happen. My friends, my computer, my bike were more interesting. When I picked up a pencil to attempt my homework, before I even wrote my name, I thought "why?"

In particular, I had a math teacher whose instructional method just didn't work for me; I remember thinking he didn't actually teach, and that he was only effective at telling me when I was wrong. Having been strong in math in every year since I learned to count, I was producing mediocre grades in his class, and I didn't really want mediocre grades. When it didn't seem like I was going to improve, I stopped doing homework almost entirely. It was better to risk failing on my own terms than mediocrity with a full effort.

I graduated with an impressive two point something something GPA and road my lack of caring - my apathy - all the way to a diploma. Not everyone experiences this the same way. The apathy that I felt could affect someone else for a month, a semester, or a year, and this is common. In their 2015 Student Poll, Gallup asked more than 850,000 students about their enthusiasm for school and only 50 percent reported being engaged. The other half of the students surveyed - more than 400,000 - were either apathetic (described as "not engaged" in the survey) or actively spreading negativity about school.

And the reasons for apathy are many. Asking questions could make me look weak, and it can be embarrassing to show others work that I am not proud of. It is easy to give ourselves labels like "I'm not just bad at math," or "I'm a D student," or "I've never been a good reader." And in the moment, it can be easy to underestimate the importance of a given piece of work: who hasn't said "I don't think this is a very big assignment, I'll skip it"? or the opposite: "my grades are already bad; this one isn't going to help." More than anything, it can be hard to see the value of doing an assignment or writing a second (or third) draft, when we could be doing something we actually enjoy, like spending time with friends.

Now, if my goal were to convince you to "get your act together," I could tell you that by the time you graduate high school fully 65% of available jobs in the United States will require college experience, and success in high school prepares a student for success in college. I could explain that according to researchers from the University of Miami, every .5 improvement in GPA translates to more than $3,000 in average adult annual earnings. I could even point to my own experiences, where a limited number of scholarships resulted in tens of thousands of dollars in debt and a degree that took far much longer than 4 years to acquire.

But my goal isn't to convince you to "get over" your apathy problem. What I want is that you do two things, and the first is simple: own the fact that you do not care as much as you probably should. I remember sitting at the grassy edge of the Woodcreek quad and blaming myself for my apathy. I assumed there was something wrong with me. But there is nothing wrong with having a problem. And fixing the problem is easier when you realize that having a problem isn't the problem.

I can tell you that I found success in college not because college was different; if anything, college is staggeringly similar to high school in many ways. What changed is that when my dollar was on the line, I started caring. But you don't have to wait that long. Every moment you spend feeling sorry for yourself is a moment you will need to make up years later, and you don't need to wait. You are good enough right now. You are smart enough right now. You are everything you need, and if you can't see that, do the second thing I want from you:

Ask. Ask why you were wrong. Ask how to start. Ask if this should be as hard as it feels. Ask if you are the only one struggling. Ask for extra time to complete the assignment. Ask for more directions. Ask.

I hold you in the highest regard, as do all of your teachers. We are here. Your friends are here. Your parents are here.

Just ask.

STEP FOUR

The last step was to highlight various sections of your speech. These included:

Rhetorical Devices, such as allusion, aphorism, anaphora, alliteration, juxtaposition, rhetorical questions, or other. Other, by the way, might include analogies, metaphors, syllogisms, or a host of other things.
Thesis and call to action
Use of parallel structure.

Highlighting is actually a bit hard in the regular blogging space, I figured out how I can go about it. Hope it helps. Keep in mind that you will need to write (or type and print) your draft and then highlight on top of it. I also identify rhetorical devices and other elements in brackets where necessary; you can just write in the margins of your page. What follows is what I would actually turn in if I were doing this assignment.

Rhetorical devices: highlighted in yellow
Thesis and call to action in green
Parallel Structure in blue

Call and Response

My high school was a place where I could be and do anything, a place of limitless opportunity, and yet I felt trapped. A bell would ring, I would go to class, a bell would ring, and I would leave. I wasn't unhappy per se (not all the time anyway), but I couldn't find it in me to care about school. In that period between bells I would do what was expected of me, but homework didn't happen [alliteration]. My friends, my computer, my bike were more interesting. When I picked up a pencil to attempt my homework, before I even wrote my name, I thought "why?"

I graduated with an impressive two point something something GPA [juxtaposition] and road my lack of caring [metaphor] - my apathy - all the way to a diploma. Not everyone experiences this the same way. The apathy that I felt could affect someone else for a month, a semester, or a year, and this is common [thesis component]. In their 2015 Student Poll, Gallup asked more than 850,000 students about their enthusiasm for school and only 50 percent reported being engaged. The other half of the students surveyed [alliteration] - more than 400,000 - were either apathetic (described as "not engaged" in the survey) or actively spreading negativity about school.

Now, if my goal were to convince you to "get your act together," I could tell you that by the time you graduate high school fully 65% of available jobs in the United States will require college experience, and success in high school prepares a student for success in college. I could explain that according to researchers from the University of Miami, every .5 improvement in GPA translates to more than $3,000 in average adult annual [alliteration] earnings. I could [anaphora, last of 3] even point to my own experiences, where a limited number of scholarships resulted in tens of thousands of dollars in debt and a degree that took far much longer than 4 years to acquire.

But my goal isn't to convince you to "get over" your apathy problem. What I want is that you do two things, and the first is simple: own the fact that you do not care as much as you probably should [call to action]. I remember sitting at the grassy edge of the Woodcreek quad and blaming myself for my apathy. I assumed there was something wrong with me. But there is nothing wrong with having a problem [thesis component]. And fixing the problem is easier when you realize that having a problem isn't the problem [aphorism].

I can tell you that I found success in college not because college was different; if anything, college is staggeringly similar [alliteration] to high school in many ways. What changed is that when my dollar was on the line, I started caring. But you don't have to wait that long. Every moment you spend feeling sorry for yourself is a moment you will need to make up years later, and you don't need to wait. You are good enough right now. You are smart enough right now. You are [anaphora, last of 3] everything you need, and if you can't see that, do the second thing I want from you:

I hold you in the highest regard, as do all of your teachers. We are here. Your friends are here. Your parents are here [epistorphe].

Just ask.

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